Characteristics of a Pious Wife
Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! on: December 5, 2009
Characteristics of a Pious Wife
A pious woman’s priority is to seek the pleasure of Allah. She tries acquiring the qualities of a good wife by following the examples of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and obeying what is commanded in the Book of Allah. Complete obedience and adherence to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and Quran is the best of a woman’s qualities.
Examples:
A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win. [Bukhari & Muslim]
Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [4:34]
An-Nasaii narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) was asked
“Who are the best of women?”
He replied,
“The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
“If a woman prayed five prayers, fasted in Ramadan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its(eight) doors.”
Reflect on:
If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: “Do not harm him, May Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.” [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi]
If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angels will curse her till the morning. [Muslim]
Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her. [An-Nasaii].
A woman does not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadan. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
“If I were to order anyone to bow down to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One who owns the soul of Muhammad,if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad
Wednesday 16 March 2011
How to make your Wife happy ?
How to make your Wife happy ?
Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! on: May 13, 2010
In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam Comment!
i 11 Votes
How to make your Wife happy ?
Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
Begin with a good greeting.
Start with Assalamau ‘Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du’aa for her as well.
Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
Friendliness and Recreation
Spend time talking together.
Spread to her goods news.
Remember your good memories together.
Games and Distractions
Joking around & having a sense of humor.
Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
Assistance in the Household
Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
Consultation (Shurah)
Specifically in family matters.
Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
Studying her opinion carefully.
Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
Visiting Others
Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
Conduct During Travel
Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
Ask her to pray for him.
Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
Give her enough money for what she might need.
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
Return as soon as possible.
Bring her a gift!
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
Take her with you if possible.
Financial Support
The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
Always being clean and neat.
Put on perfume for her.
Intercourse
It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
Start with “Bismillah” and the authentic du’a.
Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
Begin with foreplay including words of love.
Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
Relax and joke around afterwards.
Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
Guarding Privacy
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray “Qiyam-ul-Layl” (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku’ua).
Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.
Teach her “Dhikr” (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
Give them presents on special occasions.
Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
(Islamic) Training & Admonition
This includes:
The basics of Islam
Her duties and rights
Reading and writing
Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
Admirable Jealousy
Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
Avoiding excess jealousy.
Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
Patience and Mildness
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
Forgive the mistakes she does to you.
Correcting her Mistakes
First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:
He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur’an .
He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah’s rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn’t then he does not eat and does not comment.
Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! on: May 13, 2010
In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam Comment!
i 11 Votes
How to make your Wife happy ?
Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
Begin with a good greeting.
Start with Assalamau ‘Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du’aa for her as well.
Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
Friendliness and Recreation
Spend time talking together.
Spread to her goods news.
Remember your good memories together.
Games and Distractions
Joking around & having a sense of humor.
Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
Assistance in the Household
Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
Consultation (Shurah)
Specifically in family matters.
Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
Studying her opinion carefully.
Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
Visiting Others
Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
Conduct During Travel
Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
Ask her to pray for him.
Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
Give her enough money for what she might need.
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
Return as soon as possible.
Bring her a gift!
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
Take her with you if possible.
Financial Support
The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
Always being clean and neat.
Put on perfume for her.
Intercourse
It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
Start with “Bismillah” and the authentic du’a.
Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
Begin with foreplay including words of love.
Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
Relax and joke around afterwards.
Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on.
Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
Guarding Privacy
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray “Qiyam-ul-Layl” (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku’ua).
Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.
Teach her “Dhikr” (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
Give them presents on special occasions.
Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
(Islamic) Training & Admonition
This includes:
The basics of Islam
Her duties and rights
Reading and writing
Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
Admirable Jealousy
Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
Avoiding excess jealousy.
Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.
Patience and Mildness
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
Forgive the mistakes she does to you.
Correcting her Mistakes
First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:
He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc..
It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur’an .
He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body.
He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah’s rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn’t then he does not eat and does not comment.
Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! on: November 13, 2009
In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam Comment!
i 7 Votes
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
“The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]
To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]
One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]
Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]
Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]
The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,
”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Posted by: KING-slave of ALLAH ! on: November 13, 2009
In: All | Allah الله | Islam | Women In Islam Comment!
i 7 Votes
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
“The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]
To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]
One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]
Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]
Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]
The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,
”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,
”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Collection Of Special Articles
Collection Of Special Articles ::
Many Brothers and Sisters requested us to post the articles related to husband wife, post and pre-martial issue, Since it is impossible to close and cover every aspect of this beautiful bond in one article, so we decided to post every published article related to the issues and Fiqh of Marriage in the form of List, Click The Article of your concern and clear your every doubt.
Characteristics of Pious Husband
Characteristics of Pious Wife
How to Make your Wife Happy?
How to Make your Husband Happy?
How should a Husband Treat His Wife?
10 Common Mistakes that destroy a Relationship Of marriage
Must Have in Every RelationShip?
10 tips to be successful husband
Husband’s Responsibilities towards his Family
61 ways to keep the love of your husband
The Language between Spouses
81 ways to win your wife’s love
Wives – Are mates :: Woman In Islam
Guidelines for Husbands
Better Relation ship of Husband and WIFE
Choosing Wife and Husband – Moral Story
Responsibiltes of Husband
what should i look for to have a good muslim husband?
Love Her :: MUST READ FOR EVERY BROTHER !!
How to Love your wife as a MUSLIM :: Vedio
Marriage counseling – Satan is The ENEMY
11 tips to deal with martial disputes
10 ways to increase happiness in your marriage
50 things you need to know about martial relationship
Beating WIFE? DO muslim Beat their wives?
Why Islam allows multiple wives?
Polygamy :: Misconception about Islam
Questions to ASK a Husband?
Is it permissible for a man to force his wife for intercourse
Carry me in your arms :: Short story
Many Brothers and Sisters requested us to post the articles related to husband wife, post and pre-martial issue, Since it is impossible to close and cover every aspect of this beautiful bond in one article, so we decided to post every published article related to the issues and Fiqh of Marriage in the form of List, Click The Article of your concern and clear your every doubt.
Characteristics of Pious Husband
Characteristics of Pious Wife
How to Make your Wife Happy?
How to Make your Husband Happy?
How should a Husband Treat His Wife?
10 Common Mistakes that destroy a Relationship Of marriage
Must Have in Every RelationShip?
10 tips to be successful husband
Husband’s Responsibilities towards his Family
61 ways to keep the love of your husband
The Language between Spouses
81 ways to win your wife’s love
Wives – Are mates :: Woman In Islam
Guidelines for Husbands
Better Relation ship of Husband and WIFE
Choosing Wife and Husband – Moral Story
Responsibiltes of Husband
what should i look for to have a good muslim husband?
Love Her :: MUST READ FOR EVERY BROTHER !!
How to Love your wife as a MUSLIM :: Vedio
Marriage counseling – Satan is The ENEMY
11 tips to deal with martial disputes
10 ways to increase happiness in your marriage
50 things you need to know about martial relationship
Beating WIFE? DO muslim Beat their wives?
Why Islam allows multiple wives?
Polygamy :: Misconception about Islam
Questions to ASK a Husband?
Is it permissible for a man to force his wife for intercourse
Carry me in your arms :: Short story
Marry with whom?
Marry with whom?
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
“Marry the women of your choice..” [Quran 4:3]
Choose the righteous partner,
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.
No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah Subhana Wa ta’Alla has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity (Qur’an 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman or man should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is their right to marry a person for whom his/her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to both in appearance and in conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim is never dazzled by outward appearances.
For Muslim men and women – for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise – for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’an 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
“A woman is married for (one of) four reasons: her wealth, her status, her beauty and her religious devotion. So marry the religious woman, else you be a loser.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to:
“Marry the women of your choice..” [Quran 4:3]
Choose the righteous partner,
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.
No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah Subhana Wa ta’Alla has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity (Qur’an 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman or man should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is their right to marry a person for whom his/her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to both in appearance and in conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim is never dazzled by outward appearances.
For Muslim men and women – for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise – for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’an 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
“A woman is married for (one of) four reasons: her wealth, her status, her beauty and her religious devotion. So marry the religious woman, else you be a loser.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Mahr” a gift from the groom to his bride
Mahr” a gift from the groom to his bride.
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman’ in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift .. [Quran 4:4]
But if you had given the latter a cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) for dower (Mahr) take not the least bit of it back … [Quran 4:20]
Mahr is the gift that is given by the husband to his wife at wedding. It can be anything in any amount, as agreed by the bride and bride-groom. Allah says about Mahr in the Chapter `Woman’ in Quran:
And give the women (on marriage) their Mahr as a free gift .. [Quran 4:4]
But if you had given the latter a cantar (of gold i.e. a great amount) for dower (Mahr) take not the least bit of it back … [Quran 4:20]
Conditions for marrying
Conditions for marrying
For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1. Consent of both parties.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
There are many texts that support the couple in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:
“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them”
At first, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden man or woman by forcing them to marry someone whom they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations.
For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1. Consent of both parties.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
There are many texts that support the couple in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:
“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him). He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them”
At first, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden man or woman by forcing them to marry someone whom they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations.
Purpose of Marriage
Purpose of Marriage
The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
The word “zawj” is used in the Qur’an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Marriage in Islam – Purpose and Virtues :: Special Article
Marriage in Islam – Purpose and Virtues :: Special Article !
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (peace be upon him) has said
“There is no celibacy in Islam.Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high “taqwa/Iman”.
The prophet has also said, ”Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me”. [Narrated by Ibn-e-Majah]
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]
They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them … [Quran 2:187]
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised to believers – men and women – gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity. [Quran 9:71-72]
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (peace be upon him) has said
“There is no celibacy in Islam.Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high “taqwa/Iman”.
The prophet has also said, ”Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me”. [Narrated by Ibn-e-Majah]
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]
They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them … [Quran 2:187]
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger; as for those, Allah will have mercy on them; Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah hath promised to believers – men and women – gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss; but the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of Allah: This is the supreme felicity. [Quran 9:71-72]
Hadiths: The Marriage Process in Islam
The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you will prosper. " (Muslim) And he said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser. "(Bukhari) And he said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman. " (Muslim)
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. " (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not be forced to marry one another . The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…" (Bukhari and Muslim)
Rules of Al-Khutbah (Request to marry a woman and the acceptance of the proposal)
The man has permission to see her face before agreeing to marry as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be strengthened. " ( Ahmad )
After a man and woman have agreed to marry, they have to remember that the man is still not her mahram (men prohibited to her, including her father, brothers, sons, maternal and paternal uncles, and nephews). This means they can not still deal with one another as partners in any way (such as shaking hands, gazing at one another, being alone together, going out together, etc.), or go out with one another as we see people in the west doing. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not have a private audience with a woman without her mahram. " ( Ahmad )
The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)
Components
1 – Consent: ‘Aishah(R) asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes. " She said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
2 – The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a wallee. " ( Ahmad , Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
3 – Two Witnesses: Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses. " (Sahih- Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses. " (Sahih Al-Jaami’)
4 – The Mahr (Dowry): Allah says (what means): "And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm. " (Al-Nisa4:4) The mahr can be of any amount, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Look for one even if it was an iron ring. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some cultures.
Acts to be Avoided
We should be careful to not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing of men and women, wearing tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings, kissing in public, etc. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever resembles a people is one of them. " (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding
Supporting One’s Wife
The man is responsible for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what means), "Let the wealthy man spend according to his means; and let the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it, and Allah will grant ease after a hardship. " (Al-Talaq65:7)
Islam even gives women the right to take secretly money from their husbands if the husbands are not providing for them. Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except when I take something from him with out his knowledge. " Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
Educating One’s Family
Since the man has put in the position of providing for his family, he must also provide them with the proper Islamic education to keep them from the hellfire. Allah says (what means), "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones (that were worshipped), over it are appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. " (Al-Tahrim66:6)
Both the husband and wife should make sure their home is a place where Allah is remembered and His Commandments are reflected and acted upon. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The similitude of a home in which Allah is remembered and a home in which He is not is like the living and the dead. " (Muslim)
The Wife Obeying Her Husband
A woman must obey her husband as long as he does not tell her to perform any haraam(unlawful) acts. Allah says (what means), "…the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have then guard. " (Al-Nisa4:34)
Kind Treatment To One’s Wife
Just because Allah has given men a position of authority does not give them the right to abuse it. They have to treat their wives in the best manner. Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably. " (Al-Nisa4:19) Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character, and the best of them are those whom treat their women the best. " (Tirmidhi)
We can see from the seerah (biography) of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) that he would help his wives with housework and would engage in games with them as well.
This article did not cover all the aspects of marriage, but it is hoped it was beneficial. Anything good in this article is from Allah and anything incorrect is from myself.
The same holds true when looking for a husband, as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth. " (Tirmidhi)
Of course, both parties have to agree to marry one another and they can not be forced to marry one another . The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "A woman whom has been previously married has more right concerning herself than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself…" (Bukhari and Muslim)
Rules of Al-Khutbah (Request to marry a woman and the acceptance of the proposal)
The man has permission to see her face before agreeing to marry as the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Go and look at her (the woman you are considering marrying) because this will help your time together to be strengthened. " ( Ahmad )
After a man and woman have agreed to marry, they have to remember that the man is still not her mahram (men prohibited to her, including her father, brothers, sons, maternal and paternal uncles, and nephews). This means they can not still deal with one another as partners in any way (such as shaking hands, gazing at one another, being alone together, going out together, etc.), or go out with one another as we see people in the west doing. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not have a private audience with a woman without her mahram. " ( Ahmad )
The Wedding Ceremony (Nikaah)
Components
1 – Consent: ‘Aishah(R) asked Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) if women must be asked for their permission of marriage. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) replied, "Yes. " She said, ‘The virgin is asked for her permission but she gets shy. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Her silence is her permission. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
2 – The Wallee (Woman’s Guardian): Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no nikaah except with a wallee. " ( Ahmad , Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
3 – Two Witnesses: Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and trustworthy witnesses. " (Sahih- Bayhaqee) Also, "There is no marriage except with a wallee and two witnesses. " (Sahih Al-Jaami’)
4 – The Mahr (Dowry): Allah says (what means): "And give to the women their dowry with a good heart, but if they out of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm. " (Al-Nisa4:4) The mahr can be of any amount, Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Look for one even if it was an iron ring. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
The woman is not obliged to give the man anything at the time of the wedding, as is done in some cultures.
Acts to be Avoided
We should be careful to not act as the disbelievers do regarding their mixing of men and women, wearing tuxedos and white wedding gowns, exchanging rings, kissing in public, etc. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Whoever resembles a people is one of them. " (Abu Dawood)
After the Wedding
Supporting One’s Wife
The man is responsible for providing for his wife, as Allah says (what means), "Let the wealthy man spend according to his means; and let the man whose provisions are restricted spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul beyond what He has given it, and Allah will grant ease after a hardship. " (Al-Talaq65:7)
Islam even gives women the right to take secretly money from their husbands if the husbands are not providing for them. Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyan, came to Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and does not give me and my children enough provisions except when I take something from him with out his knowledge. " Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "Take what is reasonably sufficient for you and your children. " (Bukhari and Muslim)
Educating One’s Family
Since the man has put in the position of providing for his family, he must also provide them with the proper Islamic education to keep them from the hellfire. Allah says (what means), "O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones (that were worshipped), over it are appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. " (Al-Tahrim66:6)
Both the husband and wife should make sure their home is a place where Allah is remembered and His Commandments are reflected and acted upon. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The similitude of a home in which Allah is remembered and a home in which He is not is like the living and the dead. " (Muslim)
The Wife Obeying Her Husband
A woman must obey her husband as long as he does not tell her to perform any haraam(unlawful) acts. Allah says (what means), "…the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in absence what Allah would have then guard. " (Al-Nisa4:34)
Kind Treatment To One’s Wife
Just because Allah has given men a position of authority does not give them the right to abuse it. They have to treat their wives in the best manner. Allah says (what means), "Live with them honorably. " (Al-Nisa4:19) Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, "The believer with the most complete faith is the one with the best character, and the best of them are those whom treat their women the best. " (Tirmidhi)
We can see from the seerah (biography) of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) that he would help his wives with housework and would engage in games with them as well.
This article did not cover all the aspects of marriage, but it is hoped it was beneficial. Anything good in this article is from Allah and anything incorrect is from myself.
Does Islam Allow Wife Beating?
Respected scholars! Does Islam allow wife beating? Some husbands are violent and they say that the Quran allows them to beat their wives. Is there any logical explanation given regarding men being allowed to beat their wives, as stated in Surat An-Nisaa, verse 34?
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you placed in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
The verse you mentioned has been greatly misconceived by many people who focus merely on its surface meaning, taking it to allow wife beating. When the setting is not taken into account, it isolates the words in a way that distorts or falsifies the original meaning. Before dealing with the issue of wife-battering in the perspective of Islam, we should keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Holy Quran is the only authentic source of meaning. If one relies on the translation alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, states:
"According to Quran the relationship between the husband and wife should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says: "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran: Ar-Rum 21)
The Holy Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. (In the event of a family dispute, Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects). Allah Almighty says: “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Quran: An-Nisaa 19)
It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences.
However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely.
Quran is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things." (Quran: An-Nisaa 34-35)
It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.
Generally, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one Hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)
It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."
Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, and a cross-appointed faculty member in the Departments of Religious Studies and Management, adds:
"If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, the husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in bad habits and showing contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure than a punitive one.
Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:
a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment. Based on Quran and Hadith, this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first.
b. As defined by Hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyone's face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies as "dharban ghayra mubarrih", or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of siwak! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body.
c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several Hadiths, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) discouraged this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:
"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";
"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."
In another Hadith the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) is reported to have said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?”
d. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) who never resorted to that measure, regardless of the circumstances.
e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. By definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse.
f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Quran or Hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person (s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.)."
Allah Almighty knows best.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you placed in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
The verse you mentioned has been greatly misconceived by many people who focus merely on its surface meaning, taking it to allow wife beating. When the setting is not taken into account, it isolates the words in a way that distorts or falsifies the original meaning. Before dealing with the issue of wife-battering in the perspective of Islam, we should keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Holy Quran is the only authentic source of meaning. If one relies on the translation alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of the Islamic Society of North America, states:
"According to Quran the relationship between the husband and wife should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says: "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran: Ar-Rum 21)
The Holy Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. (In the event of a family dispute, Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects). Allah Almighty says: “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Quran: An-Nisaa 19)
It is important that a wife recognizes the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences.
However, in some cases a husband may use some light disciplinary action in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the family, then he should avoid it completely.
Quran is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things." (Quran: An-Nisaa 34-35)
It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse neither permits violence nor condones it. It guides us to ways to handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.
Generally, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one Hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)
It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."
Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, and a cross-appointed faculty member in the Departments of Religious Studies and Management, adds:
"If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, the husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in bad habits and showing contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic measure than a punitive one.
Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:
a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment. Based on Quran and Hadith, this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first.
b. As defined by Hadith, it is not permissible to strike anyone's face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies as "dharban ghayra mubarrih", or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of siwak! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body.
c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several Hadiths, the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) discouraged this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:
"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";
"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."
In another Hadith the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) is reported to have said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?”
d. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) who never resorted to that measure, regardless of the circumstances.
e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. By definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse.
f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Quran or Hadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person (s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.)."
Allah Almighty knows best.
Monday 7 March 2011
Parental Worries About Their Teenagers
Parental Worries About Their Teenagers
Reprinted from Ummah.com
Parents worry more about their adolescent children because adolescence is a period of sudden metamorphosis in life. Small children normally mirror what parents have taught them. But in adolescence things can go differently, and parents need to consider a child as an individual in his own right. The child's difference from the parents should not only be tolerated but encouraged. Conscientious parents adjust to this reality and behave in a reassuring manner to their child.
The Change
Adolescence is a stage that has its unique features. It is not a period of pinpoint accuracy for an individual. It can start from the age of ten or even sixteen. Generally, it is treated as the teen-age period. So, what happens at this stage?
Adolescence is a period of great change. There are the physical changes, called puberty, as the body changes to make a child physically capable of reproduction. Then there is a social change when an adolescent changes from being a child, dependent on his family, towards being an independent adult. There are also the emotional changes which come as a result of the chemical changes in the body and from coping with more and changing responsibilities.
These changes are obviously a natural progression in the human lifecycle. As boys and girls grow in distinct ways, fathers and mothers respectively should take responsibility of helping the child with the confusion that accompanies this process.
Privacy
An adolescent suddenly becomes conscious about himself, especially about his body. He needs privacy and time to reflect. If parents can afford it, the child should be provided his own room. In any case, there should be separate rooms for brothers and sisters. Islamic adaab (etiquette) of knocking at the door before entering should be applied more rigorously at this stage.
Every Child is Different
Not every child grows in the same way. Some pass it through peacefully and in a smooth manner, others have a turbulent time. Parents must not overreact with a child who is having a difficult time during adolescence. Any dramatic change that a person goes through, at any age, is difficult and should be treated accordingly. After all, it is a life experience and man cannot recreate life for another experiment.
Moderation in Dealing with Adolescents
Authoritarian parents make things worse for their child. Authoritarianism kills off dynamism and creativity and creates simmering discontent that, most often, gives rise to rebellion at later stage. On the other hand, excessively easy going parents can be either too liberal or indifferent to their child to the extent that they consider him as an adult. To them, guiding a child is patronising! This leads the young person to lose the essence of discipline in life. This could prove deadly in a society ridden with laissez faire moral values.
The best way is moderation, especially in dealing with an adolescent. The Prophet (pbuh) always adopted moderation and opted for the easy path in doing something. Parents have to be firm, fair and just in order not only to lead a happy family, but to prepare the future generation with these fundamental social qualities.
Sibling Arguments
Sibling rivalry is common in a family and it is part of their development. Parents should not over involve themselves in this, or else they can occasionally be outplayed by the children. However, when involved, they should not be biased or appear biased. They should not automatically blame the elder one for any quarrel, although it is natural to show sympathy with the little one. Sibling rivalry phases out with time.
Tools of the Trade!
Experienced and conscientious parents are aware that there are positive techniques to manage their teenaged child. The widely accepted policy of reward and sanction (punishment), if used in proper context and with honesty, leads to a successful upbringing of a child and also solves many problems. There are no rules of thumb in family affairs. However, the following guidelines are proven to be fruitful in dealing with a teen:
Share decision-making: Teens often come up with clever ideas that could help in decision making. At the same time, inclusion in decision-making helps them feel part of the decision.
Be consistent: Parents should not go into frequent mood swings or bouts of unpleasantness for any reason. Teenagers may start to feel confused, or else they might start thinking that these the normal way for parents to relate to children.
Confess mistakes: It needs courage and parents should show this if they make any mistake at any time with their child.
Be principled: Success in coping with adolescence depends on a family environment based on flexibility and freedom. However, Muslim life is guided by principle and fundamental tenets of Islam.
Talk and explain: Parents must not be bossy, especially with their teens. If necessary, they should take extra pain in talking to them and explaining things. If children feel they are pushed hard there will be a distance between the parents and the children. This can prove disastrous in the future.
Negotiate and bargain: There might arise some situations when parents have to negotiate with their teens for a better outcome. Just because parents are parents, does not mean that they are always right.
Give them space: Adolescents often need space to get rid of their anger, depression and frustration. Parents must not always bother them and should leave them alone for some time.
Supplication: A Muslim always relies on Allah for his action and outcome.
Guidance is from Allah alone. Al-Qur'an has recorded that even Prophet Nuh's (AS) son became one of the transgressors. Continuous supplication for the guidance of children is thus essential for a believing parent.
Family Session
The feeling of family loyalty is important and this can be enhanced in the children when they are involved fully in the family affairs. Family sessions create opportunities for free discussions on any issue under the sun. They create cohesion and homogeneity in the family.
Involve them in Islamic Groups
There are Islamic groups, clubs and associations everywhere now. The teenagers should be encouraged to be actively involved in one of those. Parents can help them 'shop around' for this, as there are some groups who present only a partial or extreme view of Islam. Parents need to educate their teens in how to maintain a balance in their education, family responsibility, Islamic works and social welfare works. An unbalanced life during this period can hamper the child's future career. Parents must watch out who their child hangs around with and positively communicate with him to reduce the parent-child gap, if any exists. In a pleasant home atmosphere, a child would not unnecessarily stay outside.
Islamic Recreation
Entertain the hearts in between hours, for if the hearts get tired they become blind.
- (Sunan al Daylami)
Horse-riding, archery and swimming were liked by the Prophet (saws). Innocent games and exercises are the means for physical fitness and are recommended strongly in Islam. They give innocent recreation as well. Physical fitness is the source of self-confidence and is essential for serving humanity.
Friendship and the Issue of Sex
Puberty changes a child's attitude towards the opposite sex, as his attraction for them grows stronger. The urge for sex becomes a dominant feature. Love takes on a new dimension. This is a time when passion and emotion run high. Many simply give in to their base desires and satisfy their urges in illegal and sinful ways. Islam prohibits free mixing of opposite sexes and as such the teens should be taught how to lower their gazes according to Quranic injunction. Overcoming and controlling these urges requires self-discipline, a positive environment and a strong family anchor.
Good company can greatly help an adolescent in this turning point of life. However, finding genuine friends is not always easy. Parents should be alert during this period and lend their support to their child when necessary. Bad company can ruin an adolescent's life.
School and Career
The adolescence period is also an extremely important time for building a future career. Choosing a school is crucial. It is a basic right of a child to get a good education. Parents must look for the best school they can afford. Mixed-gender schools should be avoided at any cost despite the claim of some people that it is important to know the opposite gender. If it is not possible, parents must be extra careful with their child's Islamic development. They should also avoid a school that has racism, bullying or Islamophobic discrimination. Parents with a gifted, talented or underachieving child should make sure provisions are be made for his needs.
Money Matters
An adolescent gets more and more responsible as he grows. He should gradually be given the opportunity to earn and spend money for himself. This gives him individual choice and freedom. In a family beset with financial difficulties this helps alleviate the situation. Suitable part time jobs that do not hamper education can be helpful.
Responsible Man and Woman
Adolescence is a ladder to becoming an adult, even if someone does not prepare for it. Positive parents make sure that the transition becomes smooth and Islamically sound. Conscientious parents invest in their child so that one day, when they are not there, their child can replace them with full responsibility. As the Muslim world is undergoing a transition period as well, Muslim parents must succeed in bringing out the best in their future generation so that they can genuinely claim to be the 'best of nations' in real sense of the term.
What if Crisis?
Nothing is problem-free in this world. In spite of continuous effort and supplication for a child since birth, he can have problems and create one for the family, especially in his adolescence. How do the parents tackle it? It is really hard and emotionally disturbing for the parents to deal with a problem child. However, should it unfortunately happen to any parent, professional advice should be sought without delay. Timely, professional and caring intervention Insha'Allah brings remedy. Procrastination is the enemy. However, there is no hasty solution. In any case, parents should not give up.
The most important thing to remember is to control their anger and maintain justice, even in extreme situations. Some years ago an Asian father in Birmingham, England, killed his own daughter out of anger. He is now serving a life term in prison. Anger works like a fire and ignites emotion. The Prophetic traditions on anger are illuminating:
Anger is from Devil, the Devil is created from fire, and fire is extinguished by water. So, if one of you becomes angry let him perform ablution. - (Abu Dawud)
If one of you gets angry let him be silent. - (Ahmad)
If one of you gets angry while he is standing let him sit down, and if he is still angry let him lie down. - (Ahmad)
The one who swallows up anger will be called out by Allah, the Exalted, to the forefront of the creatures on Resurrection Day and will be offered any pure-eyed virgin he will like. - (Abu Dawud, and al-Tirmidhi)
Reprinted from Ummah.com
Parents worry more about their adolescent children because adolescence is a period of sudden metamorphosis in life. Small children normally mirror what parents have taught them. But in adolescence things can go differently, and parents need to consider a child as an individual in his own right. The child's difference from the parents should not only be tolerated but encouraged. Conscientious parents adjust to this reality and behave in a reassuring manner to their child.
The Change
Adolescence is a stage that has its unique features. It is not a period of pinpoint accuracy for an individual. It can start from the age of ten or even sixteen. Generally, it is treated as the teen-age period. So, what happens at this stage?
Adolescence is a period of great change. There are the physical changes, called puberty, as the body changes to make a child physically capable of reproduction. Then there is a social change when an adolescent changes from being a child, dependent on his family, towards being an independent adult. There are also the emotional changes which come as a result of the chemical changes in the body and from coping with more and changing responsibilities.
These changes are obviously a natural progression in the human lifecycle. As boys and girls grow in distinct ways, fathers and mothers respectively should take responsibility of helping the child with the confusion that accompanies this process.
Privacy
An adolescent suddenly becomes conscious about himself, especially about his body. He needs privacy and time to reflect. If parents can afford it, the child should be provided his own room. In any case, there should be separate rooms for brothers and sisters. Islamic adaab (etiquette) of knocking at the door before entering should be applied more rigorously at this stage.
Every Child is Different
Not every child grows in the same way. Some pass it through peacefully and in a smooth manner, others have a turbulent time. Parents must not overreact with a child who is having a difficult time during adolescence. Any dramatic change that a person goes through, at any age, is difficult and should be treated accordingly. After all, it is a life experience and man cannot recreate life for another experiment.
Moderation in Dealing with Adolescents
Authoritarian parents make things worse for their child. Authoritarianism kills off dynamism and creativity and creates simmering discontent that, most often, gives rise to rebellion at later stage. On the other hand, excessively easy going parents can be either too liberal or indifferent to their child to the extent that they consider him as an adult. To them, guiding a child is patronising! This leads the young person to lose the essence of discipline in life. This could prove deadly in a society ridden with laissez faire moral values.
The best way is moderation, especially in dealing with an adolescent. The Prophet (pbuh) always adopted moderation and opted for the easy path in doing something. Parents have to be firm, fair and just in order not only to lead a happy family, but to prepare the future generation with these fundamental social qualities.
Sibling Arguments
Sibling rivalry is common in a family and it is part of their development. Parents should not over involve themselves in this, or else they can occasionally be outplayed by the children. However, when involved, they should not be biased or appear biased. They should not automatically blame the elder one for any quarrel, although it is natural to show sympathy with the little one. Sibling rivalry phases out with time.
Tools of the Trade!
Experienced and conscientious parents are aware that there are positive techniques to manage their teenaged child. The widely accepted policy of reward and sanction (punishment), if used in proper context and with honesty, leads to a successful upbringing of a child and also solves many problems. There are no rules of thumb in family affairs. However, the following guidelines are proven to be fruitful in dealing with a teen:
Share decision-making: Teens often come up with clever ideas that could help in decision making. At the same time, inclusion in decision-making helps them feel part of the decision.
Be consistent: Parents should not go into frequent mood swings or bouts of unpleasantness for any reason. Teenagers may start to feel confused, or else they might start thinking that these the normal way for parents to relate to children.
Confess mistakes: It needs courage and parents should show this if they make any mistake at any time with their child.
Be principled: Success in coping with adolescence depends on a family environment based on flexibility and freedom. However, Muslim life is guided by principle and fundamental tenets of Islam.
Talk and explain: Parents must not be bossy, especially with their teens. If necessary, they should take extra pain in talking to them and explaining things. If children feel they are pushed hard there will be a distance between the parents and the children. This can prove disastrous in the future.
Negotiate and bargain: There might arise some situations when parents have to negotiate with their teens for a better outcome. Just because parents are parents, does not mean that they are always right.
Give them space: Adolescents often need space to get rid of their anger, depression and frustration. Parents must not always bother them and should leave them alone for some time.
Supplication: A Muslim always relies on Allah for his action and outcome.
Guidance is from Allah alone. Al-Qur'an has recorded that even Prophet Nuh's (AS) son became one of the transgressors. Continuous supplication for the guidance of children is thus essential for a believing parent.
Family Session
The feeling of family loyalty is important and this can be enhanced in the children when they are involved fully in the family affairs. Family sessions create opportunities for free discussions on any issue under the sun. They create cohesion and homogeneity in the family.
Involve them in Islamic Groups
There are Islamic groups, clubs and associations everywhere now. The teenagers should be encouraged to be actively involved in one of those. Parents can help them 'shop around' for this, as there are some groups who present only a partial or extreme view of Islam. Parents need to educate their teens in how to maintain a balance in their education, family responsibility, Islamic works and social welfare works. An unbalanced life during this period can hamper the child's future career. Parents must watch out who their child hangs around with and positively communicate with him to reduce the parent-child gap, if any exists. In a pleasant home atmosphere, a child would not unnecessarily stay outside.
Islamic Recreation
Entertain the hearts in between hours, for if the hearts get tired they become blind.
- (Sunan al Daylami)
Horse-riding, archery and swimming were liked by the Prophet (saws). Innocent games and exercises are the means for physical fitness and are recommended strongly in Islam. They give innocent recreation as well. Physical fitness is the source of self-confidence and is essential for serving humanity.
Friendship and the Issue of Sex
Puberty changes a child's attitude towards the opposite sex, as his attraction for them grows stronger. The urge for sex becomes a dominant feature. Love takes on a new dimension. This is a time when passion and emotion run high. Many simply give in to their base desires and satisfy their urges in illegal and sinful ways. Islam prohibits free mixing of opposite sexes and as such the teens should be taught how to lower their gazes according to Quranic injunction. Overcoming and controlling these urges requires self-discipline, a positive environment and a strong family anchor.
Good company can greatly help an adolescent in this turning point of life. However, finding genuine friends is not always easy. Parents should be alert during this period and lend their support to their child when necessary. Bad company can ruin an adolescent's life.
School and Career
The adolescence period is also an extremely important time for building a future career. Choosing a school is crucial. It is a basic right of a child to get a good education. Parents must look for the best school they can afford. Mixed-gender schools should be avoided at any cost despite the claim of some people that it is important to know the opposite gender. If it is not possible, parents must be extra careful with their child's Islamic development. They should also avoid a school that has racism, bullying or Islamophobic discrimination. Parents with a gifted, talented or underachieving child should make sure provisions are be made for his needs.
Money Matters
An adolescent gets more and more responsible as he grows. He should gradually be given the opportunity to earn and spend money for himself. This gives him individual choice and freedom. In a family beset with financial difficulties this helps alleviate the situation. Suitable part time jobs that do not hamper education can be helpful.
Responsible Man and Woman
Adolescence is a ladder to becoming an adult, even if someone does not prepare for it. Positive parents make sure that the transition becomes smooth and Islamically sound. Conscientious parents invest in their child so that one day, when they are not there, their child can replace them with full responsibility. As the Muslim world is undergoing a transition period as well, Muslim parents must succeed in bringing out the best in their future generation so that they can genuinely claim to be the 'best of nations' in real sense of the term.
What if Crisis?
Nothing is problem-free in this world. In spite of continuous effort and supplication for a child since birth, he can have problems and create one for the family, especially in his adolescence. How do the parents tackle it? It is really hard and emotionally disturbing for the parents to deal with a problem child. However, should it unfortunately happen to any parent, professional advice should be sought without delay. Timely, professional and caring intervention Insha'Allah brings remedy. Procrastination is the enemy. However, there is no hasty solution. In any case, parents should not give up.
The most important thing to remember is to control their anger and maintain justice, even in extreme situations. Some years ago an Asian father in Birmingham, England, killed his own daughter out of anger. He is now serving a life term in prison. Anger works like a fire and ignites emotion. The Prophetic traditions on anger are illuminating:
Anger is from Devil, the Devil is created from fire, and fire is extinguished by water. So, if one of you becomes angry let him perform ablution. - (Abu Dawud)
If one of you gets angry let him be silent. - (Ahmad)
If one of you gets angry while he is standing let him sit down, and if he is still angry let him lie down. - (Ahmad)
The one who swallows up anger will be called out by Allah, the Exalted, to the forefront of the creatures on Resurrection Day and will be offered any pure-eyed virgin he will like. - (Abu Dawud, and al-Tirmidhi)
Saturday 5 March 2011
Nikkah - Muslim Marriage
Nikkah - Muslim Marriage
Marriage Contract and Prenuptial Agreements in Islam
Jun 30, 2008 Christine Benlafquih
Muslims sign a legal marriage contract. - Massimiliano Pieraccini, 123rf.comMarriage in Islam involves an oral or written contract which affirms certain conditions have been met. The contract may also contain detailed prenuptial agreements.
A Muslim marriage is not a sacrament. Rather, it is a covenant, solidified by either verbal agreement (oral contract) or signing a written contract. Whether oral or written, the marriage contract (nikkah or nikah) is legally binding, and at a minimum should confirm:
the couple's consent to marry
the approval of the bride's guardian
the presence of two Muslim witnesses
the specification of a mahr, or gift to the bride.
An imam or religious leader typically oversees this process, but any trusted Muslim may officiate.
The Consent of the Couple
Although parents are traditionally involved in helping find suitable spouses for their children, no Muslim is allowed to force another into marriage. Forced marriage is a cultural influence, not a religious one.
Ads by Google
Indian Marriage Bureau Register Free on BharatMatrimony Most successful marriage site www.bharatmatrimony.com
Marriage and God Let God be the source Of Love in your marriage www.MarriageAndGod.com
Consent of the Bride’s Guardian (Wali)
A first-time bride must have the consent of a Muslim guardian (wali or wakeel) to get married. The wali is usually her father or another close male relative. He is responsible for ensuring the groom is a suitable match for the bride, and he helps to negotiate prenuptial details of the marriage contract.
The consent of a wali is not required for a divorced or widowed woman.
Muslim Witnesses
Witnesses are required for the solidifying of any contract in Islam, and the marriage contract is no different. Signing the contract or agreeing to it in front of witnesses allows the marriage to be publicly acknowledged and the couple to be recognized as husband and wife.
Read on
Are Muslim Women Oppressed?
What is Shariah?
Islamic Wedding Traditions
The Bridal Gift or Mahr
To show that a man respects and values his wife, he must give her a bridal gift, or mahr. The mahr should be specified at the time of the nikkah, but it may be presented at a later date.
Although this gift can be token or a gift in kind, brides in some cultures request large sums of money or lavish gifts. There is no limit on the monetary value of the bridal gift, but moderation is recommended. Islam is in favor of facilitating a marriage rather than making it a hardship.
The mahr should not be confused with dowry, known as jahaz in Islam. Dowry is practiced in many parts of the world, and is permissible as long as it isn't burdensome to a family.
Prenuptial Agreements in Islam
The Islamic marriage contract may contain any number of additional details which the couple have agreed upon as prerequisites to their married life. A woman, for example, may stipulate that she wants to study and work outside the home.
Likewise, a man might ask that his bride not interfere with his obligations towards his parents. The couple might agree that each spouse will not disclose marital issues to others, and that they will follow Islamic guidelines for resolving problems.
These agreements are not usually contested in Muslim countries. In the United States, however, the legality of the nikkah might be questioned. It may be preferable, then, that marriage contracts be written to protect the rights of both husband and wife.
Deferred Mahr - Protection for the Woman
Women from some cultures have used the nikkah primarily as a safeguard against divorce. In Lebanon, for example, brides were known to specify a very high-priced bridal gift, payable only upon death or divorce. In addition to offering financial security to the woman should she find herself a widow, a high deferred mahr deterred men from initiating divorce on weak grounds.
Benefit of the Islamic Marriage Contract
Marriage, like other social relationships, involves respect, compassion, fairness and the ability to work out disagreements. The Islamic marriage contract not only establishes the legitimacy of a marriage, but also serves to protect the bride and groom's rights and special interests
Read more at Suite101: Nikkah - Muslim Marriage: Marriage Contract and Prenuptial Agreements in Islam http://www.suite101.com/content/islamic-marriage-contract-nikkah-a57739#ixzz1Fj1veRMU
Marriage Contract and Prenuptial Agreements in Islam
Jun 30, 2008 Christine Benlafquih
Muslims sign a legal marriage contract. - Massimiliano Pieraccini, 123rf.comMarriage in Islam involves an oral or written contract which affirms certain conditions have been met. The contract may also contain detailed prenuptial agreements.
A Muslim marriage is not a sacrament. Rather, it is a covenant, solidified by either verbal agreement (oral contract) or signing a written contract. Whether oral or written, the marriage contract (nikkah or nikah) is legally binding, and at a minimum should confirm:
the couple's consent to marry
the approval of the bride's guardian
the presence of two Muslim witnesses
the specification of a mahr, or gift to the bride.
An imam or religious leader typically oversees this process, but any trusted Muslim may officiate.
The Consent of the Couple
Although parents are traditionally involved in helping find suitable spouses for their children, no Muslim is allowed to force another into marriage. Forced marriage is a cultural influence, not a religious one.
Ads by Google
Indian Marriage Bureau Register Free on BharatMatrimony Most successful marriage site www.bharatmatrimony.com
Marriage and God Let God be the source Of Love in your marriage www.MarriageAndGod.com
Consent of the Bride’s Guardian (Wali)
A first-time bride must have the consent of a Muslim guardian (wali or wakeel) to get married. The wali is usually her father or another close male relative. He is responsible for ensuring the groom is a suitable match for the bride, and he helps to negotiate prenuptial details of the marriage contract.
The consent of a wali is not required for a divorced or widowed woman.
Muslim Witnesses
Witnesses are required for the solidifying of any contract in Islam, and the marriage contract is no different. Signing the contract or agreeing to it in front of witnesses allows the marriage to be publicly acknowledged and the couple to be recognized as husband and wife.
Read on
Are Muslim Women Oppressed?
What is Shariah?
Islamic Wedding Traditions
The Bridal Gift or Mahr
To show that a man respects and values his wife, he must give her a bridal gift, or mahr. The mahr should be specified at the time of the nikkah, but it may be presented at a later date.
Although this gift can be token or a gift in kind, brides in some cultures request large sums of money or lavish gifts. There is no limit on the monetary value of the bridal gift, but moderation is recommended. Islam is in favor of facilitating a marriage rather than making it a hardship.
The mahr should not be confused with dowry, known as jahaz in Islam. Dowry is practiced in many parts of the world, and is permissible as long as it isn't burdensome to a family.
Prenuptial Agreements in Islam
The Islamic marriage contract may contain any number of additional details which the couple have agreed upon as prerequisites to their married life. A woman, for example, may stipulate that she wants to study and work outside the home.
Likewise, a man might ask that his bride not interfere with his obligations towards his parents. The couple might agree that each spouse will not disclose marital issues to others, and that they will follow Islamic guidelines for resolving problems.
These agreements are not usually contested in Muslim countries. In the United States, however, the legality of the nikkah might be questioned. It may be preferable, then, that marriage contracts be written to protect the rights of both husband and wife.
Deferred Mahr - Protection for the Woman
Women from some cultures have used the nikkah primarily as a safeguard against divorce. In Lebanon, for example, brides were known to specify a very high-priced bridal gift, payable only upon death or divorce. In addition to offering financial security to the woman should she find herself a widow, a high deferred mahr deterred men from initiating divorce on weak grounds.
Benefit of the Islamic Marriage Contract
Marriage, like other social relationships, involves respect, compassion, fairness and the ability to work out disagreements. The Islamic marriage contract not only establishes the legitimacy of a marriage, but also serves to protect the bride and groom's rights and special interests
Read more at Suite101: Nikkah - Muslim Marriage: Marriage Contract and Prenuptial Agreements in Islam http://www.suite101.com/content/islamic-marriage-contract-nikkah-a57739#ixzz1Fj1veRMU
What to Wear to a Muslim Wedding Service
What to Wear to a Muslim Wedding Service
Appropriate Dress for Guests at an Islamic Marriage Ceremony
Mar 10, 2009 Sarah Tennant
South Asian Muslim Bride and Groom - Lee JordanDressing conservatively to attend an Islamic wedding service shows respect for the bridal couple and Islam's tenets of modesty.
Any religious wedding service should be attended with the desire not to offend the sensibilities of the couple. As Islam places great emphasis on modesty, it is polite to dress accordingly. Not all Muslims have the same level of conservatism in dress; guests who are unsure about what to wear should quietly ask the bride or groom what is appropriate well in advance of the wedding. However, these guidelines are generally accepted as appropriate for a fairly conservative Muslim wedding.
Appropriate Dress for Female Guests at a Muslim Wedding
Women attending an Islamic wedding should try to avoid exposing their arms, legs and shoulders. Showing cleavage is not appropriate, and tight or revealing clothes in general should be avoided. At some particularly conservative ceremonies wearing the hijab (headscarf) may be required; guests can either bring their own scarves, or they may be given one to wear during the festivities. Should the wedding take place in a mosque, hijab is likely to be required; as shoes must also be removed in a mosque, women may like to bring along a pair of thick socks to avoid showing bare ankles.
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80% Off on Mens Wear Designer Brands @ Great Discounts Register Free. Get Daily Deals Now! FashionandYou.com/Free_Membership
Wearing jewellery is appropriate at a Muslim wedding.
Suggested Outfits for Women Attending an Islamic Wedding:
A pant-suit with a long-sleeved blouse, long coat and scarf
A maxi-dress worn with a jacket or long-sleeved shirt, boots and a scarf
A long skirt, blouse and poncho or capelet with a scarf
Appropriate Dress for Male Guests at a Muslim Wedding
As the modesty requirements for Muslim men only require being covered from navel to knee, dress for male guests at a Muslim wedding is essentially a non-issue. Men can wear what they would wear to a regular Western wedding – pants with a collared shirt and sports jacket for a casual event, or a more formal suit for more elaborate occasion. Men as well as women must remove their shoes at the entrance to a mosque. It is considered inappropriate for a Muslim man to wear much jewellery; non-Muslim men are not subject to this restriction, but may prefer to limit their jewellery to a wedding ring out of respect.
Read on
Muslim Men and an Islamic Identity
Are Muslim Women Oppressed?
What Is Hijab?
Colours to Wear or Avoid at Muslim Weddings
Most Muslim couples are unlikely to care what colours their guests wear to their wedding. However, in some predominantly Muslim countries black and/or white clothes are traditionally associated with funerals and thus should be avoided. It is also polite to avoid wearing the same colour as the bride or groom if possible, in order to let them stand out. Muslim males are prohibited from wearing red; however, this restriction does not apply to women or non-Muslim men.
Read more at Suite101: What to Wear to a Muslim Wedding Service: Appropriate Dress for Guests at an Islamic Marriage Ceremony http://www.suite101.com/content/what-to-wear-to-a-muslim-wedding-service-a101654#ixzz1Fj1E2Lrm
Appropriate Dress for Guests at an Islamic Marriage Ceremony
Mar 10, 2009 Sarah Tennant
South Asian Muslim Bride and Groom - Lee JordanDressing conservatively to attend an Islamic wedding service shows respect for the bridal couple and Islam's tenets of modesty.
Any religious wedding service should be attended with the desire not to offend the sensibilities of the couple. As Islam places great emphasis on modesty, it is polite to dress accordingly. Not all Muslims have the same level of conservatism in dress; guests who are unsure about what to wear should quietly ask the bride or groom what is appropriate well in advance of the wedding. However, these guidelines are generally accepted as appropriate for a fairly conservative Muslim wedding.
Appropriate Dress for Female Guests at a Muslim Wedding
Women attending an Islamic wedding should try to avoid exposing their arms, legs and shoulders. Showing cleavage is not appropriate, and tight or revealing clothes in general should be avoided. At some particularly conservative ceremonies wearing the hijab (headscarf) may be required; guests can either bring their own scarves, or they may be given one to wear during the festivities. Should the wedding take place in a mosque, hijab is likely to be required; as shoes must also be removed in a mosque, women may like to bring along a pair of thick socks to avoid showing bare ankles.
Ads by Google
Who Runs Pakistan? Zardari, Gilani or Kayani? Asks Sultan Shahin www.NewAgeIslam.com/
80% Off on Mens Wear Designer Brands @ Great Discounts Register Free. Get Daily Deals Now! FashionandYou.com/Free_Membership
Wearing jewellery is appropriate at a Muslim wedding.
Suggested Outfits for Women Attending an Islamic Wedding:
A pant-suit with a long-sleeved blouse, long coat and scarf
A maxi-dress worn with a jacket or long-sleeved shirt, boots and a scarf
A long skirt, blouse and poncho or capelet with a scarf
Appropriate Dress for Male Guests at a Muslim Wedding
As the modesty requirements for Muslim men only require being covered from navel to knee, dress for male guests at a Muslim wedding is essentially a non-issue. Men can wear what they would wear to a regular Western wedding – pants with a collared shirt and sports jacket for a casual event, or a more formal suit for more elaborate occasion. Men as well as women must remove their shoes at the entrance to a mosque. It is considered inappropriate for a Muslim man to wear much jewellery; non-Muslim men are not subject to this restriction, but may prefer to limit their jewellery to a wedding ring out of respect.
Read on
Muslim Men and an Islamic Identity
Are Muslim Women Oppressed?
What Is Hijab?
Colours to Wear or Avoid at Muslim Weddings
Most Muslim couples are unlikely to care what colours their guests wear to their wedding. However, in some predominantly Muslim countries black and/or white clothes are traditionally associated with funerals and thus should be avoided. It is also polite to avoid wearing the same colour as the bride or groom if possible, in order to let them stand out. Muslim males are prohibited from wearing red; however, this restriction does not apply to women or non-Muslim men.
Read more at Suite101: What to Wear to a Muslim Wedding Service: Appropriate Dress for Guests at an Islamic Marriage Ceremony http://www.suite101.com/content/what-to-wear-to-a-muslim-wedding-service-a101654#ixzz1Fj1E2Lrm
Friday 4 March 2011
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